believe me there's days longer than nights

feeling treated less than I am.

or more so what I AM is the reality.


facing the person I once was
in the un-content skin that I now am in.

remembering her

that girl she always wished to be.
seemingly perfect, yet the perfection came
along with a much to familiar story. .


but what hurts most,
now? or then?

is nostalgia worse than the present moment.
or is nostalgia taking over your present moment?

I can testify to you that it well beats the present by a long streak of
days, walking, but not living. Routine, facing the world one slow step at a time.

head hung when down those discustingly familiar hallways.
walking swiftly to somewhere else, somewhere safe
somewhere with myself, or rather, a place where I can find HER.


I can feel the fall air chilling behind my window,
it frightens me, because when colors change, I remember her more than ever, so vibrantly, so familiarly.

most of all
I remember him...


and who she was with him.
and how much he influenced her.



and I feel it.
with every force trying to strain back
from what is bound to happen.
going minute by minute, sometimes seconds... to hold it all in.


willing to do almost anything to feel those calm october days.
simple emotions, simple living, free, content, quiet, love.
to lay, head full of inspiring bliss, appreciation, and beauty emanates outside the house.
the cool air breezing in your car windows..

people treat you different when you don't wish to speak.
like you are broken, and it is everyones responsibility to be concerned.
I don't want your concern.
but I have nothing left to say.
I have nothing speak of to paid professionals.
I have nothing left to speak into the phone.

Its all been said and done,
and when the winter wind frosts the grass,
the memories, hearts, feelings freeze.
buried in snow, in a large emotionless abyss.

the earth still, snow rested gleaming under the night.

she will continue to shake...