ah once again I find myself sitting in front of my glowing computer screen alone on a friday evening.

where food becomes the focus of my day. 

and watching tv too seriously.

hanging out with my grandmother my mother and my sister. 

I've finally reached the age where Im no longer embarrassed

and I've adapted to ignore what is said. 

orem is a funny place. 

you see people at your local grocery store. 

the people you wouldn't normally want to see.

like my former fuck buddy a month prior. 

you know, the one who really convinced you that he liked you

and then stopped texting you after a certain point. 

and the girl that was kind of your friend but not really your friend

the one who was into your old boyfriend and you always felt superior to her until now.

as she sees you carrying a box of tampons and a tub of ice cream.

and you watch her steal beer. 

ah friday nights, a night to party

a night where i'm grocery shopping with all the girls in my family

after seeing highly predictable movie with your favorite teen crush. 

and as your making your way towards  a box of Midol 

you see the guys you long to hang out with, the guys you don't really know 

but you know their type, who listen to indie rock bands and cat stevens

who wear vans and flannel shirts they found at savers. 

the kids you would find at your local thrift shop or at disco night.

I came up with this funny idea of making new friends

just finally being able to talk to those thrift store shopping boys at the grocery store 

and you hope one peculiar guy will stand out and really like me for who i am 

and is interested in the books and bands i'm into. 

and falling in love and finally having my indie hippster boyfriend I've (and I know you) 

have longed for this entire time. 

But I know it will never happen, I get into this state of self pitty 

where I walk isle after isle seeing kids with their friends or on their phones.

while I text the only number in my phone. (mother) 

walking past a sorrowful isle of cold medicines and pain killers.

wondering if any of this could give me a good time.

snapping my self because I know I shouldn't. 

because I know I will have a great time 

spending an evening alone with my  blog typing about my negative views on life. 

and talking about my self inflicted loneliness and spending the evening drinking tea at 

un-reasonable amounts and gulping down ice cream straight out of the carton. 

looking on Myspace for my next possible "friend" or looking at my old boyfriends page.

excessively pressing "home" every 3 minutes.

all concluding to an evening where I once again 

do something completely predictable. 

this is life ladies and gentlemen.

this is life..